


Operation MUDPIE

by tiramia



Category: Codename: Kids Next Door
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-05-30 19:50:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19410205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tiramia/pseuds/tiramia
Summary: Mission Unpossible Doubly Puzzling Its Entirety





	1. Fingers Crossed

"I know I went there, and there... she said she'd seen info for that place... and if I don't find anything there, we might... ugh..."

David glanced up as a voice growled into the kitchen, followed by Ashley stomping into view, chewing the end of a well-loved pencil. Such a scene wasn't abnormal, except the girl was staring hard enough at a piece of paper to set it on fire.

"Something wrong, Numbuh 0.3?" David asked around a mouthful of cereal.

The girl in question ground to a sudden halt, head coming up like a bobble to stare at David, then the room. Obviously she hadn't expected to be in the kitchen with the way her eyebrows came together. "...this isn't the hangar."

"Nope, but it was last week when the Vegetable Avenger crashed his ship through the window," David grumbled, helping himself to another spoonful of Rainbow Munchies. "Whacha need the hangar for?"

"Uh..." came the uncertain response, Ashley absently slipping the paper into her satchel. "Something big, I uh, I have a really super duper secret mission, from the boss herself."

"From the Supreme Commander?"

"...yeah, we'll go with that," muttered Ashley in an offhand sort of way. David spun slowly on his stool to watch his comrade do small laps around the kitchen, her hands sifting through every drawer. Any scrap of candy that wasn't tied down went straight into her bag or into her mouth.

David watched this behavior for a while, then leaned forward on his knees, tilting his head in amusement. "And now you're stalling."

Again, Ashley stopped in her tracks, bag spitting out sour balls as she rounded on him, a string of licorice hanging from her mouth. "Ah'm not thtalling!" she lisped, then savagely bit the candy string in half and swallowed, brandishing the uneaten part at the boy. "I'm not stalling!"

"Oooh yes you are!" came the snort, her friend standing to ruffle her hair. "This mission must be really big to make you lose your train of thought like this."

Something snapped across the back of David's hand and he yelped, yanking his hand away. Ashley glowered at him as her licorice whip fell limp, and she stuffed the rest of it in her mouth. "Don't test me, Numbuh 0.2, I'm in a bad enough mood as it is."

"Because of your mission? Ow..."

Ashley trudged past the boy as he pouted and massaged his hand, ignoring his pity party to dig a chocolate bar out of her bag. "Exactly. It's super top secret, extra dangerous. I'll be lucky to come back alive."

"Need backup?" a new voice asked, and the two turned to see Lenny standing in the doorway, hands on his hips as he smiled back at them. "Also, what are we talking about?"

Ashley let out a grunt of agitated exasperation. If any more people got involved, the boss would have her head. "Look, I don't have time for this. I'm taking one of the bikes, and I'll be back in a few hours. And NO ONE," she suddenly rounded on the boys who could only lean back from the sudden heat of her words, "is allowed to follow me! Capiche?"

David and Lenny glanced at each other, then drew 'X's over their chests and threw their hands into a salute. 

What Ashley didn't see were the crossed fingers behind their backs.

Even so, her eyes were narrowed suspiciously as she backed out of the room, only walking away once her watch beeped. The two boys waited a safe ten seconds of fading footsteps before turning to each other, matching questioning expressions. David pulled at his fingers as he started listing off thoughts, "Super secret mission, no back up, a personal transport, the need for tons of sugar... what kind of top secret mission is this?"

Lenny shook his head, scratching his scalp in thought. "Well, it’s not like she doesn’t go on solo missions a lot. Maybe she’s going to meet someone?”

Rhythmic thumping started as David began to pace the floor, boots heavy on the old wood. "Nah, it's gotta be something bigger than that. She said she got her mission from the Supreme Commander herself!"

"Then wouldn't Numbuh 0.1 know about it? He is our leader, after all."

"Maybe." The taller boy tapped his chin, eyes narrow. "But maybe this mission is even bigger than we thought. Maybe it's so super important that not even HE knows about it!"

"We could just ask him, I mean his room is right there, I can see it from here-"

"What if-" cut in David, face lighting up with excitement and the thrill of speculation, "-she's going to attack a highly secure facility filled with mind control devices! Or maybe sneak through an adult warehouse and destroy all their bow ties! Or even set off salami bombs in the Villain Super Market!"

"You've been listening to that conspiracy station on the radio again, haven't you?"

David suddenly grabbed Lenny's shoulders, dragging him close until their noses were almost touching. "Don't you get it? She could be on the verge of infiltrating one of the most death-defying places, and she didn't tell anyone! If it's this big, then we HAVE to go!"

Lenny nodded silently, eyes wide and lips pursed in a "this guy is crazy but if I tell him that he might eat my face off" look. "Ooooor, we could ask Numbuh 0.1, he's walking down the hall right now."

With a gasp, David zipped around the corner, dragging his friend with him into the shadows. "No, he can't know about this either! It HAS to be us. Besides," David's grin grew wicked as he pulled a slip of paper from under his hat, "I snuck this from Numbuh 0.3's bag when she slapped me earlier. It gives directions to where she's going and the rendezvous time."

Lenny's face turned from creeped out to shocked. "You stole that from her bag?! Boy, if you thought getting slapped was bad, she's going to turn your hair into shoelaces! While still attached to your head!”

“A small price to pay.”

“And she also said no one's supposed to follow her, remember?"

"No ONE, but not no TWO."

Lenny groaned and slapped his hands over his eyes with a pained, exasperated laugh. "Why does it have to be US when YOU'RE the one coming up with weird conspiracies?"

"Think about it like this, Numbuh 0.4," the taller boy began soothingly, slipping the piece of paper back under his hat and slinging his arm around his friend's shoulder as they walked, "If you were going on a dangerous mission, you'd want to take as many weapons as you could. If you got in trouble, you'd want help right away. And if Numbuh 0.3 showed up at the last moment, you'd thank her for saving you."

Lenny's face remained uncertain as he pushed off David's hand and tapped the taller boy on the forehead. "Numbuh 0.2, maybe we're taking this way out of proportion. I mean, if Numbuh 0.3 really did get a mission from the Soopreme Commander, then I bet she can take care of herself. Remember the last time we did this? She was just going to go get a hot dog!”

“Yeah, but it could’ve been a dangerous hot dog!”

“Didn’t stop you from eating it.”

"Come on, Numbuh 0.4! You know Numbuh 0.3 would do the same for us if we were in trouble."

Lenny stopped, folding his arms and looking away. "It just... it doesn't feel right. What if she doesn't want us to follow her?"

"Don't be such a spoil sport! All we have to do is follow these coordinates-" David reached to pull the paper out of his hat, but was met with only hair. In panic, the boy ripped off his beret and started shaking it. "Wha- where'd it go?! I just had it, it couldn't've-"

"Ahem."

David's head snapped up to see Lenny holding the slip of paper in his fingers. "What- but how did you-"

"The same way YOU did," the other smirked, waving the paper mockingly. "And we're NOT going to mess up Numbuh 0.3's mission."

David huffed in annoyance; what was the problem with checking to see if his teammate was alright? While simultaneously satisfying his curiosity? The boy ran his hand over his face and made some burbling sounds before he finally came up with an idea. "Here, how about this. We go to the rendezvous point and just check up on her. If she's fine, then we leave. I just need your help for this one thing," he pleaded. In reality, David knew if he left Lenny behind, the other kid would blab to Numbuh 0.1 for spying on their second-in-command.

Lenny shot him a disgruntled look and stuffed the paper into his collar, then crossed his arms, putting his nose in the air. Looks like he'd need a little more convincing.

David sucked in a breath through his teeth, making a squeaking sound with his lips. "Mmm, fine! If you come with me, I'll... give you some of my Yipper cards."

Lenny's narrowed gaze shifted into intrigue. "Number 78?"

That was the rarest card in the set! But David was running out of time and options. "Fine. Number 78."

"Aaaaand Number 43?" Lenny drawled, leaning forward with a smirk.

"What?! No way, it took me months to trade for that card!"

Lenny shrugged and turned away, as if he were going to go back to the treehouse.

"Fine! I'll let you... borrow it."

"Keep it," Lenny grinned.

"Borrow it!"

Lenny patted his collar which made a distinct crinkling sound. "Keep it."

"...keep it." Now David knew why Constance wanted to smack Lenny so much. He was a no-good extortionist!

"Great!" Lenny smiled, handing the paper back to David who snatched it with a humph. "Let's go then, Mister Conspiracy Theorist."

David was the one grumbling now, muttering as he set up the ship and launched. This had better be worth those Yipper cards. In the seat beside him, Lenny was whistling a victory tune that was getting on David's nerves, and the brunette hissed, "Will you cut that out?! And steer the ship while I put in the coordinates."

Lenny obliged but not before sticking out his tongue. "I'm steering, I'm steering. But Numbuh 0.2, I have to ask," He leaned over and pointed at some fancy print at the bottom of the paper. "What's a 'fa-shun boo-tik-que'?"


	2. Into The Jaws

Between the hustle and bustle of adults marching to and fro, two shadows zipped their way through the ancient temple, virtually invisible against the pillars. This strange building was unlike any around for miles, tall and spacious, nearly reaching the sky, a temple for all those with credit cards. Boxes lifted people high into the air, releasing them into new environments. The smell of strange food wafted through doorways, accompanied by low murmuring and uproarious laughter. In the middle of the building stretched the vast courtyard, the centerpiece a bubbling fountain filled with treasure and untold wealth.

All of these wonders were in the back of the two operatives' minds, their one goal to find their missing comrade.

Lenny poked his head out of an ancient pot, motioning to the mystical moving staircase that the coast was clear. From under the banister flew David, hair whipping around his face as he slid into new cover. After a quick check both ways, Lenny dashed across the tiled floor, shoes squeaking as he took shelter behind a weathered statue of a woman, peering through the curls of her stiff hair.

"There it is, the rendezvous point," Lenny whispered, eyes narrowed as he pointed to the massive opening, the gaping glass jaws of the beast thrown wide to lure in any unsuspecting victims.

"And there's Numbuh 0.3!" gasped David, ducking his head under a counter to keep from being seen. Trudging around the corner was their blonde comrade, wearing a look of grim resignation. Once she reached the edge of the pillared jaws, she paused, glancing around in frustration-

-until a hand shot out and grasped her by the arm, jerking her into the darkness.

"Numbuh 0.3!" David and Lenny squawked, leaping from their cover and dashing full-tilt into the dark opening.

Battle cries announced their arrival, weapons hot and ready to rumble. One man sneered down at the two, "Hello, can I help y-oof!"

"Out of the way, adult! Rescue mission coming through!" yelled Lenny, shoving the man aside with his shoulder.

David catapulted himself into the center of the room, landing and holding up his pool cue spear threateningly. "Alright, you adults, where's Numbuh 0.3?!"

"Oh, why hello, boys!"

David spun on his heel, ready to strike, but the other person was faster, grabbing him in rib crushing arms. The boy gasped and struggled, flailing desperately as the wind was squeezed right out of him. A round, cheery face smiled back at him, oblivious to the torture being inflicted. "Is your mother taking you shopping here too?"

"H-hi, Mrs. Browers..." David wheezed, starting to lose feeling in his legs.

Lenny automatically straightened politely, though he continued to look around on high alert. "Uh, hey, Mrs. Browers. Did Numbuh- I mean, did Ashley just come in here?"

The woman, wearing a dress that was embroidered with thousands of horrible-looking poppies, gave a tittering laugh that sounded like a piano being stepped on. "Oh, she must not have told you! I'm taking Ashley dress shopping! You know my daughter: she’s always been such a rough-housing girl, but I'm hoping some new clothes will help change her mind."

The three final words seemed to linger in the air, echoing amongst the chintzy music being played overhead. Lenny's horrified face drained of its color. "Change her mind! This place really is selling mind control clothes!"

David thrashed violently, trying to throw himself from the woman's tight grasp. "Let me go! Let me go, we have to save her!"

Mrs. Browers laughed again and released the tall boy, who hadn’t been ready and dropped to the floor like a log. "Oh no, boys! You know, it's terribly impolite to walk in on someone getting changed!" She gestured to the back of the room, where stalls lined the wall and a sign hung ominously above, bearing the title "changing rooms".

Lenny shrieked at the very thought and dashed towards David, who already had his pool cue ready. Lenny grabbed hold of one end and was swung forcefully at the door. "We're coming for ya, Numbuh 0.3!!"

Lenny’s boots connected with the door and set off an explosion of wood and dust. Coughing, the boy kicked his way into the wreckage, blinking dust from his eyes as he searched for his comrade. As the splinters settled, someone stared back at him.

"PEEPING TOM!" screamed the sixty-year-old woman, throwing her hand bag and several hangers at the boy, who squeaked and backpedaled from the room.

"Sorry, Miss! I didn't mean- ow!"

"What the heck is going on?!"

The door of the next stall over opened and Ashley stuck her head out, mouth agape in complete bewilderment.

Lenny grabbed her in a tight hug, dragging her from her plywood prison. "Numbuh 0.3, thank goodness, we found you! Numbuh 0.2 said that you'd gotten a mission from the Soopreme Commander and that you were in danger but I didn't believe him but he said he'd give me some Yipper cards if we came after you and your mom said you were changing and I'm so glad you're not a zombie wearing mind-control clothing!"

Ashley's shock wore off into plain livid rage, and she twisted around Lenny, shoving his arms against his back and jabbing her knee into his spine. "What did I say about following me?!" she snarled, jerking Lenny's arm hard enough to make him squeal in pain.

“I’m sorry! It wasn’t my idea! We didn’t-“

“WE?!” she screeched just as David came around the corner and realized too late that he had made a very bad decision. With a scream, the girl swung Lenny right into David, causing both boys to fly backwards into a coat rack, sending up a flurry of loose feathers. The two boys cowered against each other as Ashley loomed over them, her teeth bared in a feral snarl. "I can’t believe you two! Do you have any idea what you've done?!"

Despite his terror, Lenny squeaked, "We saved you from being brainwashed?"

Ashley growled like an angry bulldog, and the boy's grabbed each other's hands as she stomped forward. "NO! You completely ruined my mission, deliberately disobeyed orders, and worst of all, you talked to my mom!”

David's eyebrows came together in confusion. "What's that got anything to do with it?"

"Everything!" she barked, grabbing David's sweater and yanked him forward until their noses were touching. "I am going to turn your hair into shoelaces so I can kick your face every time I take a step! Then I'm gonna-"

"Oh Ashley sweetheart! I see your friends found you!" sang a loud voice and Ashley quickly shoved David into a pile of feathers. Waltzing around the corner Mrs. Browers danced into view, colored objects draped over her arm. "Did they boys say they like your dress?"

"No mom, they didn’t,” she growled, and David was sure that if Ashley’s mom weren’t standing right behind her, the girl would have bitten his face off.

Mrs. Browers tutted and shuffled past the boys, taking Ashley by the shoulders. "Don't worry, darling, we'll find something so precious that these boys won't be able to keep from blushing!"

The girl's smile was full of fangs as she turned back to the boys, "Sure mom. But first I'm going to show my friends the ice cream cart."

The portly woman didn’t have a chance to respond, drowned out by shrieks of pain as Ashley grabbed both boys by their ears and hauled them out the door. With a sneer, she threw the two unceremoniously out of the entryway, folding her arms as she watched them stumble upright.

David was the first to recover, stumbling upright and barking, "What was all that for?! You said you were going on a secret mission from the Soopreme Commander!"

"I SAID I got a mission from the Boss, and in my house, Mom's the Boss."

"You said it would be dangerous! This isn't dangerous; you're just going dress shopping!"

Ashley stood her ground, the corner of her lips raised in disgust at his accusation. "It IS a dangerous mission, in case you haven't noticed!" She unfolded her arms to show them just how dangerous this mission was, and the boys immediately fell again, gagging in disgust.

Honestly, she couldn’t blame them. Instead of her usual sweater and duck boots, Ashley was dressed in an orange and periwinkle striped dress with matching shoes, the hideous articles covered in frills and sequins. A huge green bow was tied under her chin, making her head appear too small, and large lace cuffs hung like muffin cups around her hands. All in all, she looked like a complete fashion disaster.

As if to add to their horror, Mrs. Browers waltzed past and called, "Ashy-Poo, when you're all finished, I have a new outfit for you to try on!" The woman held a terrifying frilly dress shirt, complete with a mahogany ribbon tied around the shoulders and an incredibly tacky purple belt.

Lenny had to shield his eyes from the clashing colors. "You're right, this IS a dangerous mission. Bye!" He turned tail to escape, but David grabbed him by the scruff of his shirt.

"No way!” David grabbed Ashley’s wrist and started to pull her towards the nearest exit. “Numbuh 0.3, I know you told us not to follow you, but as a member of your sector and a protector of all things not hideous, I’m going to get you out of here- woah!”

There was a sudden yank in the opposite direction that sent David onto his rump, looking up at a still-livid Ashley. “You don't get it, do you? I can't just LEAVE. If I try to run off, Mom will buy tons more clothes for me and I’ll have to wear them, because she doesn't believe in returning things. And now that she's seen the two of YOU," her words bit into the boys, making them flinch, "she's going to buy even MORE dresses because she'll think I need to ‘impress’ you. So THANKS for that.”

A tense silence fell over the three, David and Lenny fidgeting uncertainly and Ashley looking ready to flay them alive. Now that the situation was so thick with guilt, it made David want to throw up. He decided to do a safer approach than barf all over the ugly dress Ashley was wearing, and ventured, "You don't need to impress us with clothes. You're the smartest person on the team, an expert umbrella swordsman, our second-in-command-"

"A second-in-command who was willfully disobeyed by her own teammates, just so they could trade Yipper cards," she spat, and the boys shrank under her withering glare. With a jerk, she turned her back on the two, hands in fists at her side. “Go back to the treehouse.”

“B-but Numbuh 0.3-“

“That’s an order. Let’s see if you two are smart enough to keep that one.”

Without looking back, the girl stepped into the world of plaid jackets and frilly dresses, pulled in lovingly by her mother, who greeted her with another garish outfit. In her wake was an engulfing cloud of gloom, potent enough to make guilt pour onto the two boys.

Lenny finally broke the silence, head ducked as if trying to avoid the scalding disappointment in his leader’s words. "Well... that didn’t work.”

"No... it worked," David mumbled, stuffing his hands into his pockets and slouching to a bench, the cloud of gloom following. "We found out what she was doing, just like we... just like I’d hoped. She’s going to court marshal me for sure."

“Does she have jurisdiction over that?”

“We deserve it. Well, I deserve it, for disobeying orders and getting you headlock-ified. You deserve to keep those Yipper cards for even being here.”

The dark-skinned boy continued to stand awkwardly, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet. Indecision plagued his eyebrows, and he glanced back at the shop from which they’d been so thoroughly ousted. “Guess coming out to the Googaplex Mall was a mistake.”

Everything had been thrown back into its true proportion. Patrons mosied in and out of elevators, kids sat drinking milkshakes by the giant fountain, and grown-up men begged for their wives to come out of stores.

Lenny stepped carefully over to his tall friend, who hadn’t moved from his slouched position. “Hey, uh, you okay?"

David almost chuckled at the naive question, pulling his hands from his pockets to make quotation marks in the air with his fingers. "If 'okay' is defined as finding out the secret mission of my second in command is doing something she absolutely hates and making things worse for her, then yeah, I'm just peachy."

"Then I’m okay too," Lenny sighed, taking a seat on the bench. With a soft click, he unbuckled his helmet and removed it, shaking out his dreadlock hair. “But we can't just let it end like this. We gotta... I don’t know, make it up to her somehow.”

David slipped off his beret and pulled out the card with the fancy boutique's name printed in curvy letters. "We should do something for her. To make her feel better, I mean. We need to fight girly with un-girly."

The dark-skinned boy nodded and put a finger to his chin, face puckering in thought. “Well, there are tons of things that aren't girly: boogers, old gym socks, mud..."

"Mud?"

"Mud," Lenny repeated with a nod that broke into a gasp of realization, and he grabbed David’s arm in excitement. "Hey, that might be an idea! Remember way back when we battled Wanda Waterworks in Sector F? Numbuh 0.3 got blasted by a teardrop turret and was thrown into that giant mud pit!”

David paused, eyes traveling up to the ceiling as he recalled that moment. "Yeah, I remember that. She wouldn't let anyone hose her down afterwards, said it was good for the skin or something." His gaze came back to Lenny, long face now brightened with a grin. "You thinking what I'm thinking?"

Lenny mirrored the expression, and the two boys slapped their hands in their secret handshake before dashing out the mall’s doors.


	3. A Total Bust

"What ARE they doing?"

Bruce chuckled as he turned his head an inch to glance at Constance's dumbfounded expression. "You know, I've been asking myself that same question for the past twenty minutes."

Beside him, Constance had hoisted herself up to peer over the window’s ledge. Below them, Lenny and David were busy working on... something. The two boys had managed to pry up a portion of concrete. Surrounding them on all sides were piles of dirt, which were systematically being pushed back into the crevice and mixed with water from Old Man Jefferson’s hose.

Bruce had gone down earlier to inspect the random and seemingly aimless damage, but had been shooed away before even properly entering the site. Since then, he'd watched from the window, completely baffled but nevertheless amused.

"Look at those losers... Are they making a garden plot?" Constance asked, wiping her sunglasses on her sweater, as if that would help her see the situation more clearly.

Bruce waved his hand in exasperation, not at her but at the fact that two members of his sector had torn up the street just to get at some dirt! "I don't think so, I mean, look at it! The plot's not wide enough, they've sifted all the good cans and broken glass out, and it's WAY too deep!"

"Too deep?" Constance echoed, arching an eyebrow at her leader.

As if hearing her question, David jumped into the goop, sinking slowly all the way to his chest. Obviously displeased, he made a flapping motion at Lenny, who obediently added more water.

This was too weird, even for her. "That's it, I'm going down there."

"They'll just kick you out," Bruce warned, not bothering to follow. The girl ignored him, and he shrugged before resuming his limpid position. She’d find out soon enough what had stopped him.

Constance stomped towards the working boys but stopped short when a loud siren went off. Several MUSKETTS shot up from the ground, aiming at the girl and covering her with red targeting dots.

“Ugh! What a pain...” she growled, putting her hands on her hips. Welp. No going forward like this. Instead, she cupped her hands around her mouth and yelled, “What do you two weirdos think you’re doing?”

Lenny’s head came up at the shout, and his face brightened with a grin as he waved. "Hey, Numbuh 0.5! We're just doing some maintenance behind the treehouse, nothing suspicious, no siree!"

"Nothing suspicious my left shoe,” she barked back, hands going back to her hips. “Now tell me what you're doing before I make you. And call off the MUSKETTS!"

“Of course!” Lenny replied, picking up a remote from under a discarded rock, and he would have pressed the button if David hadn’t snatched it from his hands.

“Hellooooo! Earth to Lenny! Secret mission? Remember?” David hissed, poking a finger in the other boy’s chest.

“Oh yeah, you’re right.” With a sharp breath through his nose, Lenny turned back to the girl, his stance one of defiance and dignity. “I’m sorry, Numbuh 0.5, but I am sworn to secrecy, that thereby we may restore honor to our comrade!"

Constance rolled her eyes at the speech, not impressed in the least. “Can’t you at least give me a hint?”

Lenny took a breath to respond, but the breath turned into a silent scream when David grabbed his already aching ear and hissed, “Yipper Number 97 if you shut up!” David then turned his attention to Constance, using his other hand to block Lenny’s flailing fists. “Sorry Numbuh 0.5, we’re -stop it! - a little busy here, so - cut it out! - if you could come back - enough with the hitting! - later, that’d be great!”

Far above, Bruce snorted.

“Ugh, I hate it when you two are weird like this...” the girl muttered, turning on her heel and stomping back towards the treehouse, kicking a MUSKETT post just for the heck of it. It misfired and nearly caught David in the chest, who was lucky he’d been looking up or he’d have been knocked out.

Lenny used the moment of distraction to his advantage, wiggling out of David’s grip and snatching the remote from him in the same fluid motion. With the push of a button, all the MUSKETTS were sucked back into the ground, and Lenny took a running backflip to block the chubby girl’s way. “Numbuh 0.5, wait! When this thing is done, it’s going to be so great that it’ll blow your mind!” He emphasized this with putting his fists near his temples and pulling them away with explosion sounds.

The girl didn’t look convinced. “Really?”

“Yes really! It’ll be...” he started to reply until a glare from David cut him off. “Just... trust us when we say it’ll be amazing. And it’s SO amazing, we can’t tell anyone about it yet.”

Constance had one eyebrow raised at him, but then her expression softened considerably, and she slowly tilted her head forward, pulling down her sunglasses until he could see her eyes. “Not even to me?” she asked, voice sweet and smooth like clover honey.

Just like that, Lenny started to melt, unable to defy her when she was making The Face. “W-we’ll, I-I guess I could- no!” He slapped himself in the face and quickly straightened, putting on a serious face (though it was hard to look very serious with a pink flush in his cheeks). “Sworn to secrecy! For honor!”

“Whatever,” Constance shrugged, pushing her glasses back onto her face and turning away. “But when are you going to tell Numbuh 0.3 about the mud pit you made for her?”

David’s jaw dropped and he rounded on the equally confused Lenny. “You TOLD her?!”

“No, but you just did,” muttered Lenny as he squeezed his eyes shut.

Constance smirked as she made her way back over to the treehouse. “Have fun, nerds.”

Bruce was still laughing by the time Constance joined him at the window again, the boy holding his aching sides. She started to chuckle too, "Come on, it was so easy. Classic spy technique, make them tell me everything I want to know without their knowing it."

Bruce slid to the floor, wiping a tear from his eyes. "Priceless!" he giggled, shaking his head. It took him a while to finally regain the ability to speak without his voice cracking, "And man, when you used your flirting stance, that was great."

Constance's hand tightened on the windowsill, eyes narrowing. "What are you talking about, I don't have a 'flirting stance',” she said a little too quickly.

"You totally do, when you push your glasses down and tilt your head," he snickered, mirroring her earlier movements.

Her face was starting to turn red, forcing her to turn her back on him. “It was only to get information. And it worked, mind you." Her cheeks began to heat up uncomfortably as Bruce laughed.

"Oh no, it definitely worked! Especially against a certain boxer who you have a-"

The girl socked him hard in the shoulder and snarled, "If you finish that sentence, I'll feed you to the guinea pigs!"

"What, tell Lenny you have a-!"

Constance rolled up her sleeve.

Bruce was running down the hallway with a screeching Constance in hot pursuit.

\---

Today had been a bust. A total bust. Ashley sat in the back seat of the Suburban, fighting against the two giant shopping bags on either side. Each bag would have broken an elephant’s back with their weight, and would have crushed her if they hadn’t been buckled in.

In the front seat, Mrs. Browers was prattling along. “Oh Ashy-Poo, I'm so excited for you! All the kids at school are going to drop dead when they see you tomorrow!"

"Yeah, drop dead laughing..." Ashley groaned, shoving aside one of the bags that threatened to smoosh her. Luckily, her mom was completely oblivious to her daughter's pain as she pulled into the driveway.

Mrs. Browers shimmed herself out of the driver's seat to open the side door, her daughter gasping for fresh air and barely catching a bag as it threatened to topple over.

"Let's bring those in so we can get everything in the closet!" Mrs. Browers crowed in delight, hefting one bag under her arm and carrying it effortlessly to the house. In the back seat, Ashley sighed in defeat, flopping over the remaining bag. Today was a bust.

With a grunt, the girl dragged the huge shopping bag to the pavement, and she swore the ground shook with its weight. Ashley rubbed her hands over her face, letting out a soft whining sound, eyes closed to the awful sight.

"Might as well get this over with..." she sighed, opening her eyes and bending down-

Only to jump back with a screech as a face was almost nose to nose with her. Lenny avoided her punch with ease, his face lit with excitement, grin getting wider. Only now did she realize he was covered in mud. From head to toe, even his hair was caked in the stuff.

Ashley dropped her battle-ready stance, confusion and anger scrawled on her face. "Numbuh 0.4? You... are filthy."

"I know, right?! It's awesome!" He grabbed her hands and dragged her towards the TRIFLY, which just happened to be there. "You gotta come see this!"

"But-"

"No buts!" he cheered as he pushed Ashley onto the bike, climbing in behind her and taking off without a warning or any need for seatbelts. Apartments whipped past as Ashley attempted to wiggle herself into a safer position, only for Lenny to stand up as he pedaled and force her against the handlebars.

“What is this even about?” she yelled over the wind, feeling stupidly helpless like this.

“You’ll see!” was the only reply as Lenny rang the bike’s bell. Like a charm, wings extended from the sides of the bars, whisking them up and over suburbia. Ashley’s hair flopped in the wind current, twisting wildly in the air that felt so free. For a moment, she allowed herself to close her eyes and feel a sense of normality flood her.

She didn’t even need to ask where they were going, as even from the wind current, she could feel their direction. When she opened her eyes, not far away was the treehouse, lit against the smoky background of the afternoon sun.

The TRIFLY landed with a screech in the concrete, and Lenny hopped off and grabbed Ashley’s shoulders before she could wander inside. “Wrong way, Numbuh 0.3!” he laughed, steering her around the base of the huge tree.

Some of her sanity had been regained by the flight, but she was still upset about the boutique incident. She planted her feet and turned around sharply, almost making Lenny fall on his face. “Alright, enough is enough. What are you trying to pull?”

“I’m just trying to pull you along to the greatest thing you’ll ever see!” Lenny whined, lifting his goggles from his face so he could pout fully.

The girl stood her ground, not about to be made guilty over something that was partly his fault. “NOT until you tell me what’s going on.”

“Numbuh 0.4!” came a call, and Ashley balked when she saw David, also covered in caked dirt, and was he wearing swim trunks? “Good, you got her! Come on, Numbuh 0.3, you’re gonna love this!”

Both boys now grabbed her wrists, half-pulling and half-dragging her around the treehouse, merely grinning at her protests.

The shock of being dragged around finally wore off, and she ripped her hands out as the three came to a large curtain set up. “Okay, I’m giving you three seconds to tell me what stupid thing you have planned!”

Lenny and David took their positions on either side of the curtain, looking very posh as they raised their arms.

“To Ashley Browers of Sector Z-“

“The Nana of Noogies-“

“The Empress of Egg Fights-“

“The Sho-gun of Soda-“

“The-“

“GET ON WITH IT!”

The boys quickly grasped the center fold of the curtain, David nearly singing out, “We present, the ultimate prize!”

With flourish, the curtain was pulled apart to reveal... a mud pit. A plain, old mud pit. A makeshift table was set up next to it, covered in an old sweater and loaded with snacks from sour balls to root beer. There was also a slide screwed down by the side of the pit, mud slicking its sides.

David strode past the curtain, wafting a hand towards the mud pit as Lenny almost pranced around. “Complete with mud slide, mud facials, mud pies-“

“That was my idea!” grinned Lenny, donning his goggles again.

“And, most importantly of all, no awful clothes in sight!” David flung his arms out, and Lenny jumped beside him, matching exuberance. “So, what do you think?”

Ashley stood with her mouth wide open, eyes the size of dinner plates.

Then she screamed. And screamed. And ran for the treehouse. And screamed some more.

Still standing in front of the mud pit, David and Lenny shared a confused look.

“Um, was that a good scream, or a bad scream?” Lenny asked.

David’s face puckered a little. “Usually when people scream like that, it’s a bad scream.”

Lenny’s face fell and he slouched, pouting again. “Aw! I was SURE she’d like it!” He slunk away to the pit, slipping in with his arms folded.

David sighed and joined him, leaning his elbow on Lenny’s head. “Don’t worry, Numbuh 0.4, we’ll find something to make her feel better. In the meantime, let’s-“ The tall boy paused, and his eyes narrowed as he put a hand to his ear. “Do you hear something?”

Lenny looked around for any source of noise, and both boys looked up at the same time.

A pink blur leapt out the topmost window of the treehouse, screaming down towards them. “ATOMIC CANNONBAAAAAAAAAAALL!!” Ashley screamed.

Lenny and David screamed too and tried to swim out of the way, but it was too late. Ashley hit the pit dead center, and the boys were sucked in before forcibly thrown out in a wave of mud. When they recovered and were able to see straight, they saw Ashley, still screaming, but also swimming in the mud.

“Yes! Yes, haha, I LOVE MUD!” she squealed, doing a backstroke and disappearing under the surface, only to pop out a few seconds later to spew mud from her mouth.

Lenny and David sat up, pleasant surprise written on their features. “Told ya it was a good scream,” grinned the tall boy, who got a fistful of mud dumped on his head.

Ashley laid on her back in the mud, feeling the sun hot on her face and her skin drying out and getting dirt caked on her. It was the best feeling in the world. A thought suddenly came to her and she sat up to stare at the boys who were shoving mud in each other’s faces. “You... you guys did this for me?”

“Well... yeah,” replied David, as if the answer went without saying.

“We were sorry about following you, and we wanted to make it up to you.”

“And since you’ve been surrounded by girly things all day, we figured the only way to combat it-“

“Was with the most un-girly thing we could think of! Mud!”

Ashley listened with a small smile, wanting to laugh at what had brought them to this. The boys must have worked on this mud pit the whole time she’d been shopping, instead of going on a mission or trying to buy something that she would like.

“This is eleventy-billion times better than anything else you guys could’ve done for me,” she said, swimming towards them and grasping each boy’s hand in one of her own. “Thank you.”

David shrugged in as nonchalant a way as possible, as if everything had fallen perfectly into place. “Yeah, well, I’d say you’re welcome, but, you know-“

“It’s the best we can do for our second in command.” Lenny was smiling, so trusting and sweet.

Ashley smiled back at them, then kicked off the edge, still holding their hands. With loud yelps, the boys were yanked face-first into the mud, coming up for air with gasps before pelting the girl with mud. 

“Ahem.”

The three looked up to see Bruce and Constance standing above them, arms folded and glares intense. Their leader had a sour look on his face that did not bode well. “I think you three are engaging in a code X78. No mud pits.”

The kids exchanged uneasy glances, mumbling apologies.

Bruce grinned and pulled off his shirt. “No mud pits... without your leader. Banzai!” He leapt into the pool and was quickly followed by Constance, the others letting out whoops as mud came down in a shower around their heads.

Maybe today wasn’t a total bust.


End file.
